I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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