can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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