I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
