break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and she was petting her beer can
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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