My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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