My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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