i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
