i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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