This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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