I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
