my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
