Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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