you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
