The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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