Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
