turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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