"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Screwed.edu
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
