I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
