How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
