She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
