Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
