Non-Jews are for practice
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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