guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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