I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
