You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
