Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no you cant smoke seaweed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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