I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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