I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
