I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
