guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
