Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
FUCK WHALES
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
