You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
