Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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