So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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