once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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