she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
