3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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