If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
