please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
