Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
