i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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