i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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