Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
