there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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