no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
