I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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