I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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