Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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