she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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