Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
