Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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